Exams? Stress?

17/08/10,Tuesday.

It's the second day of exam week. The whole time feeling so stress forcing myself to study. I know if I don't blog now, my mood will go bad again. Two reasons, I've been thinking of something lately don't know why. Aihss. Also, MY ANOTHER FAVOURITE DRAMA ENDED! Ending was awesome. Only thing now I'm planning to buy them. You know me right? I collect Love / Adventures Drama~ Haha.

Back to the serious part. I've been thinking of it day and night. Not able to focus. But once I've let it down I'm better. As for my presence in life, I don't think it'll make a difference. Talk to a friend that I once dislike for lying but now I think back, maybe she wasn't? I don't know. All I know is I miss the times I was with her. Come to think of it. When I was with her, I actually know my presence but now she has a new friend. Can't blame her. If it wasn't for me who left her first unable to trust her. I guess it's payback? God's punishment towards me.
I don't really care of my existance anymore. I just want a peaceful life. This sunday there's a competition. I'm going there with my friend. Suppose to call someone follow me. But I've been thinking of only one person but I know it's impossible. I'm not repeating the same mistake again. Online is online. Reality is reality. No matter how beautiful online is, reality it's just a lie and ugly.

I really really want to focus on study and not treat everyone different. I guess I'll just be whoever I want wherever I go. From small, I wished for a wish and I guess until now I'm still wishing. That is to have a best buddy that is seriously close. Like a sister. I had one but she wasn't that ... kind I guess. She has lots of friends I don't mind but she does not even understand me so.. haha. I had another, closest to me last time but still do not understand me. I guess so far there was only one. She knew I was upset but I lied saying I was okay but she still knows. God gave me someone to treasure but I threw her away cause of a lie? Why can't I just trust her? She betrayed me twice but maybe it wasn't her fault? I had another chance and got really close to her. I really care for her like a sister but in return ... it's all my fault I guess. Denying all the facts of truth. I'm sorry. I just wish if time could turn back, I would not know anything about that case. Not a single thing. I just don't want to repeat every mistake all over.

I'm a failure in both friendship and relationship. I don't want to be a failure in studies. I am a failure in studies because I never try. I want to give my best shot now. It's never too late. I hope with my studies I can just achieve my dreams. Forgetting all the sorrows , pain and unhappiness. Back to studies~ Nights.

-Yuki-