The last of this

This will be the last post of this blog. I'm going to create a new blog all about anime and my life =) Happy and sad~ Most all is anime and manga and LOTSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Also, I don't want to give up on finding my MR. RIGHT! =) byess =)

My love for you will never change.

09/10/10-Saturday.



My love for you during form 1 till std 6 is all back now. I made a book for of you. You were the thing that kept me happy and living. Of course, the others also helped out. You were my first and I love you. No matter what, our heart will be one. I love you and I know you will never push me down. Although you are a little "sick" I still love you. Cause it's your story that makes me happy. If I emo or anything. I'll think of you my dear. And I will be cured. Or listening to the song letting out my feelings. Or maybe watching you will cure me more. I'll love you forever.



-OtakuYuki/TurtleYuki-

THIS IS ME! =)

Morning!

06-10-10,Wednesday.

My plannings work in the morning except for practising my music and mopping the floor. Delayed mopping to tomorrow and practising music to the evening after my beloved drama. Also, lots of things to do.. Need to learn to save my super dry and brittle hair. Need to work and earn money. Need to learn to BAKE , STUDY! I need to learn so many things!!! I'm going to die soon. Can't wait for a virtual action game to come out !! Maybe in 10years time? I was wondering.. After I die and the game comes out.. Will I be able to play it in my another life? Or I'll stay a ghost forever? Who knows.. I wonder.. If I come back to this world.. When is the next WORLD END? HAHAHA! I'm lame. Voice super dry could not sing my now favourite song. Hahas. So many things to plan but my heart stays only at one place ...

-Yuki-

Virtual.

05-10-10,Tuesday..

I want to play a virtual game.
A really really VIRTUAL one.
I'm so addicted to anime and manga now.
I can feel thier expression.
Feelings.
Everything!
I have no idea how but I want to feel it all.
A game into reality.
Not for the love.
Just for the feelings and i have no idea how to say it.
It cannot be described in words.
It's just me..
My true dream is to touch people's heart?
I have no idea why am I thinking of that.
Thats why I love singing... Acting..
Is cause I want people to treasure but telling others except myself.
I threw away things that were mine.
Chances given.
NOW! I will not lose anything and regret.
Anime, Manga, Music.. Give me all the strength and power that enhanced me once.

-Yuki-
I may sound crazy now.. Haha

Why?

My heart began to waver when I read the sentence I saw.

"We could die anywhere, I could even die in an accident"

In the end it was not him... it was the girl... I'm seriously anxious on how it's going to be...
HOW CAN IT END SOOOOO FAST? =(
I really liked the girl!!!! D;
IT'S A LIEEEEEEEE =(

-Engrossed with manga due to LACK OF LOVE!- *imcrazy*
-Yuki-

My friend said that my post was too long and she does not really know english so...
I'll write it shorter! Hope I will.. But some is just long... Can't blame what happened? Hahas.

I'll give you my first love..

I'll give you my first love...

04/10/10,Monday..

If I cannot live after 20.. My biggest regret will be that...
I've never experianced love..
Instead of experiancing the happy ones..
I've experianced the bitterness and lies.
I really hope to experiance a true and wonderful relationship before 20.

Lies again.

29/09/10-Wednesday..

I skipped school for account's folio..
but thats not the main point here...

When I first met you I thought maybe...
But now it was just tragic...
You were not my first wound..
But you will be my last wound..
Because you were th only one who lied to me as though I was a little girl.
Thanks to my curiousity..
I learned that you were a liar.
At least the wounds before were painful..
Because I had happier memories.
Unfortunately your memories was the salt..
Burning my wounds again right now..
If you hate me.
Don't be a two face..
I hate two face as much as I hate you now.
But thanks a lot to you..
I will no longer trust guys in his words.
Because in seconds...
They will just be a liar just like YOU.
Thanks a lot.
I freaking feel like an idiot.
I should not have bothered about you when you even cheated with you gf.
Talk bad about her.
But yet, my friend was right.
What we say are the opposite.
I don't like hating people as I will suffer more.
I'll just treat as though you were an idiotic bystander.
A player. I think thats what you are...
But your so sincere to the girl you are in front of...
With all your pitiful lies...
I'm getting sick of the memories, talks I had with you..
Lucky, we didn't get to meet.
Or else I'll be an idiot thinking..

-Yuki Choong-

Breadou...

While looking back at photo's I took in breadou ro...

I really miss those days a hell lot...

It is wayyyy better than the server I'm in now..

I don't mean to say Twinki is not good.

Is just I really really love Breadou a lot!

I don't like twinki cause Woe is not as fun as breadou.

The items are different.

Some items are not even in twinki.

I prefer Breadou casue all my great buddies are there.

Even though I've buddies in Twinki.

If it was still breadou it might be better.

Just a little change I think breadou didn't have to be shutted down.

But what the hell do I know about those things.

I just know I reallllyyyy miss moments in breadou ro.

My characters there were better?

Haihs....

-Yuki-

BabyBoo....

26/9/10-Sunday..

Farewell Baby Boo..
I don't want to dream about being with you.
I don't want to even get close to you.
I don't want to message you.
I don't want to msn you.
I don't want you to use me...
Please..
I don't want it all to be a lie...
I can feel that it will end tragicly.
But I can also feel it maybe a good ending..
I've no idea but I don't want to be fooled..
You were too good to be true...
I don't want to remember our memories.
I don't want to remember you...
I don't want this...
Cause I know it's just another lie....
Ain't it?

-Yuki-

TimeSquare...

25/09/10-Saturday.

It all started at around 10.30 when I went to suki's house. Nata was not there yet... Wow.. Thought she would reach faster than me but she went for breakfast! Hahas. Okay... then when nata came.. original plan was to curl my hair but.... failed epicly.. So I had to wet my hair so it looks normal... but it looks ugly as usual... Hahas.

When pei yi came we went to kelana jaya and took LRT to KL Sentral. Then from KL Sentral we took monorail to Sungai Wang. I thought go straight to TimeSquare somemore.. Hahahas. My babe nata no tell me!! Hahahaha.

When we reached I was finding BBQ Plaza but failed. Walked around, look at clothes, then stopped at a noodle taiwan shop. I drank Strawberry Milkshake and we all ate friend wanton an dumpling. I used my babes iPod Touch and logged into msn. Thats when my whole day went bright. Baby boo talked to me~~ It was sweet and of course I was happy. But sadly, I had to off cause we were done eating and drinking. Waalk walk walk... Then go TimeSquare.

Kept walking until my leg was about to break. Went to Peneng Village for dinner. I bought a hair serum~ With suki darling. Then nata bought something too~ Okay.. Time for the JOKE! We were about to leave when I said, "Lets take the elevator" ... "Okay"... waited for 2+ minutes. "Why so long? My leg is killing me" I said. Then the door open. Nata was texting. Pei Yi and Suki was behind me. I walked in the elevator and they all started to shout I think.. Then I turn back... Elevator close!! OMG!!!!!!! I was in the elevator and they weren't... Like in all tv's when you are alone in the elevator you scream and knock the elevator door right? Hahas. I did that. Laugh all you want... But I was not alone.. there were people inside. Looking at me... Ouch..

I walked out stare a the floor above me an shouted. Then a nice guy told me to o back in the elevator and go back up. I went in click on G then 1 cause I wasn't sure what floor was I on. Then the guy said, "Click all.." he laughed.. When the door open.. I saw nata and hugged her~~ Awwwwwwwwww.

We laughed non-stop and decided to take the ESCALATOR now!! Hahahahahaha. Then another joke. As we were about to cross the monorail ticket thing. Nata was left behind cause she put her card in but it didn't allow her to cross. We ended up shouting and laughing. I kept repeating, "We go everywhere also talk so much.. Damn noisy o us... hahaha" Then they all agree and we all laughed. Then keep repeating the joke over and over again.

When reach LRT we took the WRONG LRT! We were suppose to go to Kelana Jaya. Instead we went on the opposite direction heading to GOMBAK! OMG!!!!! Lucky, we all got down at masjid jamek and took the other side of train and go to Kelana Jaya~ Hahahahas. We were soooo tired but it was awesome~ Love you babes. But as for baby boo... I should have known it was too good to be true...

-Yuki-

Hardship.

170910-Friday.

Schools going to start and my heart is still in the holidays mood. I want to go to school but I don't want to study. Hahas. Even so, I've to study and get flying colors for my finals. Once I do, it will be awesome~ Love the show Step Up 3 until I tried to do stretching to gain flexibilities. It's kinda pain but really fun~ Can't wait for my dearest to teach me how to dance~ She promised me!! Hahas~ I'll call both my dearest then.. Hahas. But need to spare most of the time for revisions. Also, facebook to chat with my friends. I'll try to on twinki on the weekends though.. But... I have to study first!! Sad...

I have no idea what I'm up to lately. Have to start planning my routine of the days. Need to get back to work. My dearest will be coming to my house to help me pick some outfit~ On the way, I'll be a violent girl by bullying her~ I'm not Lesbian. HAHA!! I'm just hyper~ Nothing to say.. TATAX

-Yuki-

TwinkiRo~

Hmm, don't know how to intro but anyways, this is TWINKI RO! It's a bit fast but I've the full description right here~ Hahas. JOIN TWINKI~ It's fun but lack of people so if you will do a good deed and join I would be glad~ Hahas. Okay, cut the craps and here's the description:

~Twinki Ro-Rangnarok Online Private Server~

TwinkiRo Websites:

*Official Website: TwinkiRo*

*Forum: Forum/Community*

Control Panel: Registeration/Info*

Server Information:

-Exp: 100x 100x

-Max Level: Base-152 Job- 90

-Drop Rates: 500x[Normal Mobs] 250x [MVP]

-Card Drops: 2%

Features:

~Max forge +20.

~130+ Custom Map.

~100+ Custom Quest.

~80% 3rd Job Supported.

~Fully Basic Equip Malls.

~Custom Auto Event.

~Event Coin Shop.

~Custom WoE Drops.

~Custom Donations.

~Dedicated & Friendly Gm.

~Anti WPE & RPE.

~Enlarged Guild Capacity.

~Custom Mini Game.

~Weekly Updates.

~Runs 24/7~!!

~New refine system without breaking items, when it fails it will -3 level with Kalunium and Bradium. *Refine level above +10 will work out*

~New refine system without breaking item, when it fails it will -1 level with High Density Kalunium and High Density Bradium. *Refine level above +10 will work out*

Commands:

@commands

@die

@help

@away

@at

@main

@me

@noask

@refresh

@whereis

@pettalk

@request

@whois @whogm

@showexp @showdelay

@homtalk @hominfo

@time @date @jailtime

@mi @ii @uptime

@duel @invite @accept @reject

Npc's:

=Wapra

=Healer

=Kapra

=Donations

=Events

=Card Exchanger

= Auto Events

=Mini Games

=Arenas

=MVP Ladder and Arena

=Shopping Mall

=Basic Mission

=Bounty Mission

=Ultilities [stat skill reset, breeder, platinum skill, etc...]

=and LOTS more...

If you have problem registering in our control panel try using a different web browser, not IE

Thanks for supporting~

-Yuki-

Mk suprise birthday party

16-09-10,Thursday.

Had A lot of fun with my beloved friends two day ago.
I was late though.
But still manage to make it~
We watched step up 3~~~
I LOVE THE WAY THEY DANCE!!!
It's kinda nice~
But my friends say Step Up 2 better more dancing.
hahaha~ after that, we went to Bbq PLAZA~
Me, Nata, and Strawberry jeremy cook with the bbq thing~
Damn funny!
Everyone stop eating we still busy cooking there~
Like little kids~
Then we went karaoke~
Cool weih!!
Wanted order beer but we're underage!!
SAD!!!! XDD
But it was a seriously fun day~
Really enjoyed it a lot~~
Hope theres another chance we can go out and have tons of fun again~~~

-Yuki-

Lies..

10-9-10, Friday.

I don't know how to explain what has been going on. Recently no mood to update blog. Went out today. I was kinda thinking if I didn't go out, will I see him? If I didn't want to go to toilet will I see him? I'm kinda good at recognizing people after seeing their photos. Haha. Almost everyone too~

I'll just say from here. As I was walking to the toilet at a shopping complex. Like all drama's he passed by me without knowing of course. I saw him.. PAUSED... WTH... Messaged him... OMFG... It's him... Damm... Went to the other side of the shopping complex.. And talked to him through instant message. Bought a new heels. Went back to the complex he is in. He was at ***** and when I passed by it.. My mom call me to go in... I was like.. Damn.. But lucky it wasn't really INSIDE. Then went to the food court. Message him half way he call me but he didn't say anything.. Then I saw him.. Hide near the piller. He was walking my way.. I quickly took my food and run.. Heart pounding extreamly fast. I was so scared he saw me.. But he mistaken me for another girl... Then never reply me after that.. Is this just a joke? Come on.. I'm really tired.

Wanting to forget this all but meets him randomly? Wow.. I don't know what to say..

I guess knowing him, being friends, was all just a lie? Words left unspoken or unfinished. I didn't know how to even talk to him. All I know is I don't want to exist in his life. After all, I'll just be a burden. Like everyone, I'm a stupid burden... FML!

-Yuki-

사랑해....

7/09/10-Tuesday

There's tuition today... haihs... Feel so sien..
Should I skip tuition?
I really need a rest....
So many thoughts on my mind...
If only I slept longer..
IMYRB! <>
I feel so stupid now..
Don't know what to write..
I'll study now!
Hope so..

-BrokenTurtle?-

Scattered Memories.

06/09/10-Monday.

It's holidays. My friends and I planned to go out during the holidays. First person who popped in my mind was you. Went out with family. Why walking I remember about gifts. Gifts that we joked, at least maybe you think it was a joke. I was checking out the wallets. But, I stopped. Why am I being so stupid now? Stupid baka dumb Idiotic Yuki! Wake up right now!! Leave his world... How can I? Haihs... I miss him a lot. My best buddy said just forget about him. Thanks a lot for listening dear~ Love you~ Hahas.

Disappintment hits me like the wave. I'm not going to complain anymore! I've to wash away my sins. I cannot say bad words, bad stuff about others! I've to turn over a new leaf so I won't feel devastated! These days in facebook, I don't know what to do.. I want to post something but I don't want to at the same time. I miss you. I really do.. I guess, Don't know is better then know.

-Yuki-

Mute.

I don't know what to say at the right time or bad time. Mind as well be mute. It's not easy to be mute though. But, it's good. As for my recent post about my friend. I'm sorry. I was pissed that time. But, I'll say again, I don't care what you think. You read or not I won't care. I won't say I'll not care about your feelings but I'll just try to ignore it.

Something has been bothering me lately. I just don't know what. I wish someone could just save me from this pain and sorrow. Everytime I online I just want to see you online just to prove you didn't block me. But I keep on hoping for the worst. I don't know what you did and I'm planning to move on. It's so hard ... Wonder why.. Can't wait to go out with the girls and guys. Hope my mind will stay with me and not go over to fantasy world. But, I guess if I pass by that place ... I'll remember what you said to me.

I'm not going to tell anyone whats wrong with me anymore. I don't know who I can trust. Who is capable of listening and who will stay with me till the end. I give up. I'll be muted from now?? No idea.

-StupidTurtle-

Speechless.

04/09/10-Saturday.

OMG~! I forgot to blog! Sorry. Hahas. Nevermind I might blog late anyways.. Nothing to write also... I might temporary stop twinki AGAIN. Cause, my exam marks.. Some improved.. Some dropped to the core. Gosh! Ah well... Sad... Owh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED BROTHER AGAIN! It was yesterday though. But I fb him and wished him in real life~ Hahaha!

I love the way you lie. Nice song. The song he hears. The time we spent even though we were just friends nothing more. It was fun while it lasted. I'll back of so you can live better. Ain't that right? I guess this time.. He won't bother... Happy Ending? Hahas. I should just focus on studies and ignore it. I've nothing much to lose anyways. I really miss you these days... But if you blocked me in msn, it's okay I guess. I won't even be online these days. I hope... haha! I seriously need to get on with my plans!!! STUDYYYYY!!

-Yuuki-
Siens...

Best Friends?

02/09/10-Thursday.

Haha, Best friends? Few years of friendship are just useless. I don't give a damn about you anymore. You just piss me off now. It's like ask you already free or not. You say yes. Ya, you said yes but guess what? YOU SAID NO AFTERTHAT. WTF? Come on la! Seriously if you're free just say free then don't go random saying eh, might go genting. Then suddenly singapore. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN OF WHERE YOU'RE GOING! I DON'T CARE! THE SIMPLEST QUESTION I ASKED YOU, "ARE YOU FREE?"

GIVE ME JUST THAT ANSWER AND NOT RANDOM ANSWERES DAMMIT! Ish. I really don't want to talk to you guys anymore. It's way better without me. And guess what? I feel so much better now! Yes, I admit I was happy when I could talk to you. But do you bother listening? I know one listen. But the other one? You get distracted damn easy. Talking serious you change the topic. Whatever la! I don't care. If I'm destined to be a loner, Let me be a loner then. If you're thinking I've attitude problem. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! I don't need to care and know of what you think of me! So before I be rude towards you people. Stop bothering me with things I no longer care. Especially when it's said by you people.

-YuinTheng-
P.S. If you come questioning me is that you I mention here, well too bad I won't even say a word. I have not been telling you all about whats around me anyways, I don't hang out with you guys and the best part of all you all don't give a damn. So why should I give a damn about your feelings.

Appreciation.

2/09/10-Thursday.

I've been thinking of someone whenever I want to go out and all. But from today onwards, I'm going to forget about this person. It's impossible for the both of us. This person hates me now I guess, just nice. But why does it bother me?

I just watched a drama. A grandma got banged by a car while chasing after her grandson who was walking faster than her. When that scene was on I started to cry. I miss my grandma.I wish I learned from young then I had more chance to appreciate my grandma. I'm speechless. If only more people know how to appreciate family members and also friends. I'm speechless again. It's over.. So many things to write but don't know what to really write now.

-Yuki-

Back to School!!

1/09/10

Recieved a message last night.
In chinese.. I don't know who.
I thought it was zing at first.
Until I asked him a while ago and it wasn't him.
Gosh, who is it?..

Anyways... School.. nothing to say boring. Haha!

I kinda feel weird now.
I think no matter how many comments I get.
I just want to hear from her only.
Her words are everything.
I have no idea why but I really love her!
She is kinda the most important now!
Haha, Love her~
Nothing to say.
I'M NOT LESBIAN!
Don't try to guess who is she.
You won't know!
HAHA!

XoXo Yuki~

TwinkiRo

31/08/10-Tuesday.

Thanks a lot to my friend I finally know how to create signature~

Hahaha!

What do you think? Hahas.
Comment please~ Hahahas, If you want!

Twinki Ro is really fun but nowadays server down.
Was seriously bored but, we must be PATIENCE!
Last night.. I didn't get to dream about it.
But I dreamed of somthing else.
In fact thanks to it,
I finally want to learn to apprieciate.
I really don't want to lose something important to me ever!
I felt horrible and terrible moments in my dream.
I've lost someone I really love.
I didn't care about her in real life.
But everytime I mistreat her I'll sure cry inside me.
Slowly I guess now I've to apprieciate.
She was there for me everytime!
I must love her.
Gosh, starting to cry.
Hahas, Don't worry.
I'll remember you forever!
Where ever I go, I'll remember everyone of you.
Hahahas~

Lurve Turtle~

Dream.

30/08/10-Monday.

Last night before I went to bed I was missing someone which I wasn't suppose to. I recalled moments we had. But, it was no more there. Haihs... When I went to sleep i had almost the same dream as I forgotten when but it was oddly familiar. I don't know where to start cause it's all jumbled up in my mind.

I tape it on my phone but I sounded seriously weird so I think of typing it here now... Here goes..

I was in like my own house at first I think. I was suppose to go to school but it was suppose to be a holiday. I wanted to call my friend but in the end I didn't call. then there was a letter.. I was suppose to give the letter to someone I like. I think in the dream he likes me back. I don't know. Then I think my mom snatched it and got really piss I think. Then she showed my dad or something. Then I need my phone but there was no internet... Okay.. Weird. What does internet have to do with PHONE? I hav no idea. Okay.. then I think I went to the pharmacy at the second round about where is near the car shop. REAL LIFE SCENE.. But I didn't go in. I just stood outside and forgot what happen.

Then a different vision was shown, someone selling something and he was familiar. But I can't recall who. There were three of them or maybe more. But they were differenet in a way. One of them were selling blue like gems which .... I don't know.. complexities. But I remember they had an enemy. The guys friends weren't suppose to buy his gem or use or sell them I think. But they did. Then one of the friend's family got like... kidnapped? the wife was like drunk -somewhat like poisoned- the child was in an accident but only scratch marks. The guy apologized and then went back. They had powers I think. Then they ran and ran.. Suddenly I saw a girl walk pass them. Then I went back to my ownself. I was like talking to the window then I remember the girl that pass by them was dead and it was my friend's friend who wanted to look for me. Weird much! Then I fainted.. in the bathroom... Wearing a silk kimono I think... Then there was another guy, which I think likes me also. I have no idea but it's like told to me in a way. Then he was worried cause I was in the bathroom with no sound although he called me a few times. Then he decided to break the door open. He found me lying on the floor and carried me to the room. He kept calling me as though he was trying to wake me up. I could hear and feel his touch. But I don't know. Then I only remember I hugged him. I was relieved to see him. I think slowly I liked him. Then one day.. it was my birthday. He was at the kitchen cooking I think. Then I set the bed with 3 layers of cloth, blanket and thick blanket. -Just like the hotels- Both the bedside tables there was the drama's that my grandpa bought for me. Then I only say the guy who sold the gem... Oh dammit I've no idea. It's all jumbled up... Haihs. But I know, I locked the room door, when I open it I had like 5 seconds to pretend in coma, unfortunately he knew I was faking it. He was holding a hot soup I think when he came in. It was black but visible. Anyway, then I hugged him again and kissed his cheek. At the same time I saw another vision but I was not looking. What I saw was the guy I like watching what I did. But I could not feel his feelings or anything. It's as though it was just an illusion. I don't know what happen then and next. But I know I think it was time for me to leave. I was about to pack my bags when he came in. The guy I like. I don't know his name. But he is seriously familiar. As though he was next to me every single time. I could not find my stuff so I guess it was in the master bedroom. I told him to carry me there. I didn't know what was on my mind but I know it was related to the story I read. Then he carried me. On the way to the bedroom I kept asking him, "Am I heavy?" He didn't reply me. When he let me down I asked him again.. I think he wanted to say yes but He said something else. He said his happy memories was celebrating my birthday with me. I was about to wake up at that time. I wanted to ask his name and all. I wanted to ask for his email and go online with just my vision but... I woke up. OWH i remember something I dreamt about an online shopping thing on how to do it. But I'm not sure is it going to help cause I've forgotten... haihs.

That dream was weird,awkward, but I want to know who is he. I don't know... I just know one thing. Is this just cause I thought too much or... haihs.

I'm a real Turtle!

I finally notice...
I'm really a turtle.
My pace with others is like the slowest.
While everyone is going on with thier life.
I stood right there as though I was waiting for a bus that was never coming.
Now, everyone has moved on with everything.
But I'm just at the same spot where I stood two years ago.
From the beginning I should have notice.
Lying to myself saying that I've moved on.
But the truth was my heart never left.
That was the whole reason I miss every moments.
Flashbacks that pass by.
Everybody, almost everything around me.
Reminds me of you.
I've awaken now..
I guess or I hope.
From now, I should not think I like that person just cause he resembles you.
Unless if it's real.
But I guess now, relationship isn't that important.
Most important is studies.

My friends have new patners while I'm still missing you this moment.
I've been left like a slow turtle with bunnies.
Thinking I could catch up with thier pace but I was wrong.
I'm in a tottaly different world.
I notice just right now.
But, if I don't belong in the bunny world.
Where exactly is the turtle world?
I have no idea..
Haha, I guess I'll have to walk slowly until I see another turtle pass by.
At least I walked with the bunnies once.
At least I had the memories.
Better than being a turtle without memories or anything.
As stupid as it sounds.
I'm happy with memories now.
At least I've had the joy before.

But I know I can still survive.
However it will be hard and well unhappy but...
I believe I can find the turtle that is alike~
Wish me luck~
xOxO

-TurtleYuki-

Finally...

29/08/10-Sunday.

I was wrong all the time.. I actually haven't forget him.. The people who I claim I like them is cause they just resembles him in a way... I should just wake up. Me and him was over ages ago. I just really miss those moments I guess. It's like a year... I can't believe that all this time I was actually missing him and not liking others. Wow.. That was so weird...

I guess I won't write about my daily life on how it rocks/sucks/and all. I'll just try writting short stories whenever I want to. About .. how I feel. I think I still miss him a little.

-Yuki-

Regrets?

28/08/10-Saturday.

I read a really meaningful story just now and thought of my friends who are in relationship problems. It's not easy to find the one you like. It's hard to find the one that you like and like you back. I just hope everyone will learn to treasure the one they like and enjoy every moment while you still can before it's too late. Remember! Once you left that person it's not 100% that you both can be together. Treasure before it's too late and don't regret after that. So, try not to do something you will regret.

-Yuki-

READ THIS!!!

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

Study!!

27/08/10-Friday.

Today there's no school.
So awesome!!! Haha.
Bought some books for my english.
Wanted to buy my maths and add maths book but could not find form 4's one.
Sad...
I hope, I know what I'm doing..
I need to study really hard for all my subjects.
My finals are coming.
I need to work hard for English.
Aiming for A+!!!
Now my first aim is EDUCATION!
Nothing else.
As for the others..
It's wasting time to think of them at this kind of age.
Aren't I right?
Hahahahaha~
Lurve my darling~
WAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Guess who? Hahaha!

-Yuki-

This Time...

It's hard to see your friends in vain.
Moreover the person you like.
Hmmm, Who do I like?
I guess no one..
I was kinda happy to have fantasies but as you know,
It's FANTASIES~
Wake up girl~
I've woke up but where do I go?
Wanting someone to care so much in reality just shattered.
I guess I'm best alone.
I'm an evil turtle.
Hahaha, Forget it.
No idea what I'm saying.
I just wish everyone will be happy.
I also hope I can go college soon~

Lurves Yuki~ <3

SMKKK

26/08/10-Thursday.

OMG!!!!!!!!!! LETS START CURSING? HAHA! I almost cursed today. It was like UGHHHHHHHHH!! Damn angry, pissed. My friends all also angry. We all one gang damn shiok. When got firecracker we clap. I feel like rebelling. Hahas. I feel so damn angry and piss.
When I came home I quickly called my mom told her about it feeling so "gek". When I went down my dad was home.... Then I told him. Hahaha. Nothing to write la actually just seriously piss. The teachers DID NOT MENTION A SINGLE THING ABOUT NO HIGHLIGHTERS. Everyone also agree. Haihs... speeciless.

-Yuki-

Good Luck!

From this moment, I wish you and her will be back together. I don't know how much you love her but I have a feeling deep inside from the moment you used me that you and her will be back together. I don't know when and how. I guess it's time for me to leave your world so that you will be happy like the others. I'm happy that everybody is happy. I really really from the bottom of my heart wish you both to be a happy and blissful couple. As for me, I can now focus on studies now that I know what's going around. I guess I won't be bothering you with anymore fairy tales.

-Yuki-

Future comes first.

I'm on the way to forget someone. It's just not our time I guess. I have to focus on study!!! I really miss you and I wish you'll be happy. Not only you, I wish everyone to be happy and smile~ I have a lot to catch up. I lost today's time cause I was upset over stupid things. My dream is determined. My future now is in my hands. In order to reach them I've to word hard. No longer giving up!!!!! STUDY TO THE MAX!!!!!! Although, I'll be going out sometimes, Shop, Enjoy but STUDY! I still have books to buy anyways. Then, try for the finals. I need all A's!! Tough target but it's my target! Study hard !!! Future first only others.

-Yuki-

Hardship..

25/08/10-Wednesday...

I don't know why am I over thinking everytime... It's like repeating. I don't get it. I want a relationship but at the same time I'm scared and I don't want. I like someone but at the same time I'm scared. I'm not scared that he will leave one day but I'm scared that I'm just no enough. Being an online girl is kinda making me feel upset. But what if we meet and I am just still afraid. I don't want to know if he likes me or not. I don't even know what is our relation. I just want to affirm my feelings. I really don't know. I'm happy around him but when I'm alone in my thoughts. I tend to move to a deep edge pushing myself down the cliff. It was the same with "S". I really really liked him but I guess the timing was bad. He just broke up. Now, the guy I like also just broke up. I'm also afraid that they might actually be using me just cause they lost a relationship so I'm just a replacement. I don't know why am I thinking so negative when me and that guy now is just friends. I guess.... Haiz... Siens...
I don't know....

-Yuki-

Siens.

24/8/10-Tuesday.


I've thought of what to write this morning.
Unfortunately, I forgotten what.
I read a book when I came home early today.
Stomach cramp until I could not stand the pain.
While I was at the office, I was thinking of something.
Wow, kinda dejavu while writing this.
Let's ignore it...
I was thinking of well, relationships?
I remember back, the reason I wanted a bf in my school.
It was so he could care for me.
When I'm feeling sick he will be there.

But, Why am I dreaming?
My fate I guess is to like people I don't know.
Maybe, I'm not going to be with the guy I like now.
I just hope he will be happy.
Maybe he might even be back together with his gf.
No one knows.
I just want him too be happy and it's enough.
So many thoughts in my mind.
I just know one thing.
I've to stop thinking so much,
Just focus on studies....

-Yuki-

Blind and Deaf.

23/08/10-Monday.

First, I'll start off with school, Passed my subjects so far. Need to work harder. Holidays are coming too. Okay and for the main post.

It's easier to say it in chinese but..
If I was blind or deaf.
I won't feel safe at all.
Not at all.
Just want to know his thoughts.
I finally understand what that show mean.
The pain of not knowing anything.
The pain of being alone in dark
The pain of losing someone you love.
The pain of believing then crushing them.
But if I'm blind and or deaf.
I can't see people's feature.
Hear thier voice.
But can feel thier heart.
Can see a more beautiful world.
Without many horrible things our eyes can see.
If I was blind I guess I won't be able to blog, message and play.
I'll be away from the world in my own and feeling just darkness.

I could feel the heart ache I felt again.
Not giving anyone this blog link.
Whoever that finds it count's on luck I guess.
I want to talk to you but I'm afraid that it'll annoy you.
I don't want to feel upset and want to smile like you say but I can't.
In school, I guess I found out one thing.
Even without me, 'they' won't notice.
I'm happy with my friends now.
I miss moments with various friends but yet I don't care.
I guess I just want no... I just need one person.
I finally know who to find when I'm lost.
My beloved cousin.
She told me that there is for sure good and bad.
A lot of thing that made me face the truth.
I think I like you.
I don't want you to know but I told you.
Afraid of facing you.
Awkward but I guess it'll be no more.
I'm your nobody.
Why am I thinking so much?
I'm just a turtle girl.
Slow and won't be able to catch up with your pace anyways.
What should I do ...

-Yuki-

Music is my Soul~

School? Another day of torture?
Somehow, I just wish I could find back my soul.
I guess she took it and left with it.
What the hell am I saying.

Speechless.
Sang diff songs today.
Amazing Kiss- BoA [Emo~]
Yuki No Hana- Mika Nakashima [Emo?Haha]
Key of Heart-BoA[Long Lost song]
Tell Me Goodbye- Big Bang[Emo]

Thats all I guess.
My mom said I sang okay for amazing kiss and yuki no hana~~
Kinda happy cause it was my first time TRYING~
My soul will slowly be found.
The music key in my heart.
As for school, I've to work hard.
Harder cause I'm kinda upset that I did last minute studies last week.
Focus in every subject until the last minute.
Didn't study a single thing.
But what's done = done.
So, Don't. I mean NEVER cry over a spilt milk.
You can wipe the milk away but you can never replace it.
You can buy a new one but that's not the same as the old milk.
Ah, what am I saying.
Being lame every second.
Time to sleep.

Messaged her yesterday, I guess the friendship really was not that close.

Many things I've no longer know about her.

I just hope time would turn back.

But, thats impossible.

Sleeppzz....

-Yuki-

Left alone in darkness.

Left alone in the dark.
Pitch black.
Unable to see anything.
Broken heart?
Guess not.
Leaving everything from now.
No longer touching msn.
Only online just to blog.
Feeling vulnerable in the darkness.
Hoping for a warm and bright light to save me.
But, there's no such thing as light in darkness.
I guess whats done is done.
It's all over.
Gone.
No more.

-Yuki-

Undefined Feeling.

22/08/10- Sunday.

Seeing someone whom I do not want to see is really hard.
Making myself feel so vulnerable.
I've another person next to me.
But why do I still hope that it was you.
No idea why am I making so many mistakes.

Main mistake, it's a game.
Why so serious?
But when I avoid you and not talk to you.
I know it's not going to be easy to forget it.
You remind me a lot of my past.

Mistakes, Promises, Lies.
All rounded up into one.
No idea what I'm saying.
Just feeling so depressed.
When I see you depressed.

I hate myself.
-Yuki-

Noises.

The sound of voices that just pisses me off.
Feeling happy about something is that wrong?
What's the problem?!
I just simple abhor this feeling.
Now, I'm feeling worst.
Thanks to someone I guess I'm better.
But the feeling inside me is still the same.
I guess I'm useless everywhere.
Especially right here.
Messaged a friend.
Knowing she is no longer my best buddy but not facing FACTS.

My teenager life isn't easy.
DON'T THINK IT'S EASY.
STOP THINKING YOURS IS HARDER.
IF YOU'RE ME YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.
SO JUST GET LOST.
STOP THINKING THAT YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS.

I just wish I was a little girl.
Not knowing anything.
Even by doing something wrong.
No harm is done.
Unlike now, afraid of this and that.
My bravery has left me behind.
Why? I need you most now.
I want to put a big smile on my face.

But why is it so hard?
Knowing the smile would be fake.
But making sure no one notice.
Stopping by and asking what happen.
Just pisses me off again.
Voices are just pollution in my mind now.

I feel so mad.
I feel so angry.
Why am I having all the negative energies?
I hate this feeling.
I've whispered so many bad words in my mind and soul.
Feeling so guilty.
I guess I'm just an idiot.

-Yuki-

Raindrops?

21/08/10-Saturday.

Raindrops falling to the ground.

Sounds of the rain seems so calm.

But sometimes, the rain just seem annoying.

Making every area wet and damp.

Mud all around.

Also, a never ending rain brings harm to us.

I just know I want to stand under the rain.

Just to wash away all my memories.

Including you.

I'm sorry.

Time's up.

-Yuki-

Undecided.

Playing back twinki ro. Somehow, I don't think I can still face it yet. Am I scared? just one simple step and wod simple word. But thinking overboard is just... me. I guess I'm not suitable for online relationships or anything to do with online. I guess I just have to follow the flow of river that leads to no end. Feeling naive over and over again. Believing in things that will never happen. I'm sorry. I guess let faith decide my path. Betrayel? Loyal? Sadness? Happiness? I don't know.

-Yuki-

Final Decision

I've play back ro, I joined back thanks to my brother. He wanted me to level him and for that I left sdo. Entering ro, I hope I don't see any of them but I saw my dear. Talked to him and I guess I should not avoid anymore. I'm joining back Twinki Ro. No more avoiding the fact.

-Yuki-

Undecided raindrops.

20/08/10-Friday.

This morning while I was still sleeping, I had a dream. I dreamed about someone calling me. But when I picked up the only thing i heard was eraser. What could that mean? In my mind as I woke up, I thought of something. Could it be rubbing away memories? The caller was my online dear. But when I checked my phone no miss calls or answered calls. I guess it was just me then. It reminded me of my past. But thinking about just maks me feel down.

While I was in school, I was thinking of what to do after school and stuff to buy tomorrow. Yeap~ I'm going shopping!! Haha. With my mom~ Haha.

Before going to school, I said to myself. If it rains while I'm in school then I'll join back twinki. But until now, I don't see any raindrop. So, I'm leaving twinki. Struggling to decide.
As for my birthday party, I finally know who to invite. My classmates are the important ones. The rest, I guess I'll invite just cause the more the merrier. I don't really care what gifts I get I just want to enjoy it with my classmates and laugh with my family. Now, Back to sdo~ Haha

-Yuki-

SDO~~~

19/08/10-Thursday.

Aihssss, sdo keep disconneted!! Why night time so bad d? Aihhss. Oh, I think I'm downloading dramas. Haha. When I get my money I'll save it for a kimono~ I'll download more drama's cause it'll be soooooo cool~ Haha, I better keep trying my sdo~ Haha

It's been seconds and I've been missing moments in twinki now. I kinda miss my dear for some reason. Don't know why but, since I've decided to leave I guess there's no turning back. I don't want to ever enter my acc. I told my bro he could use mine to lvl. So let it be..

-Yuki-

Friends?

19/08/10- Thursday.

Finally, Exam's are over~ Freedom~~ Haha.
Yesterday I had vocal class. I forgotten how but we talk until I mention about my birthday. Next year is a special day cause my birthday falls on 11/11/2011. So many 1. The whole time I was hoping that I'll get a bf but now. I don't think I want one. Whe my teacher mention about friends. I was laughing in my mind. Friends? I don't think I have one. But while walking to my class. I saw one of my classmate. She loves anime and so do I. Then I thought to myself. I guess she is the only friend I have. Along with my classmates. The rest? I know who you mean. I don't know. All this time I've been thinking. Maybe I won't have a birthday party but now. I will have it. But with a few who I really feel is my friend. Also my family members. It's a small part but I'll love it. My teacher talked about it until he was super happy. But I didn't feel the same I guess it was cause of the word he mention. Friends.
Stopping online game, but playing sdo~ Haha. I guess there will be no relatioships there. Friends? I'll just play by myself. I guess I prefer being alone. It's cold and sad but I don't know. 1 thing's for sure, when I was hanging out with my classmates today, I was really happy and wasn't left out. Around them, nobody is left out. No one. Haha. Really hyper with them. I guess I'll keep myself close before opening so much to outsiders. So, here goes...
1
2
3
4
5...





End~

-Yuki-

My last desire.

Lasy to write the date again. My last desire. What is it? Well, It's to leave online world, Msn, Fb~ Everything. I'm stopping them all and whenever I take a beautiful picture I'll post it here~ Weird? Awkward? Nope. My decision is made. I don't want to be a fool. I guess as for online. I can give my brother all my eq's and when I want to play back only I on. But that would have to take a long long time. I don't want to online and suffer anyway. Haha I've to be a strong turtle!!! Remember I'm Turtle Yuki ! Nothing can defeat me! Haha~ Except exams! Haha.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ I'll still blog~!! Haha

-Yuki-TURTLE-

Happy?

18/08/10-Wednesday.

Today's exam wasn't stressful at all! My economy was a little uneasy but I did my best! Haha As for Accounts, guess what? There was 3 question I did them all in half an hour. Few minutes before times up I check and I found out i missed the lejar part!! OMG!! I did as quick as I could and finished it just as the bell rang! Haha~ Lucky me! Then I checked the text book I did wrongly!!! OMG~!!! Ah well, Nevermind! Now mistake next time must be better!!

Middle of morning I woke up missing my drama that ended. The show actually wasn't really a blast but I still love it. Questioning myself why. I've got the answers in the end. I love the drama a lot was cause thats the only thing that cheers me up. Dramas + Music is my soul. From now, I'm not putting my mind on anything else. Just studies and my future path. Friends? Lover? No thanks. I don't want to be related in anymore drama's for now. I've had enough for the time being.

Come to think of it, My friend is right. Online is just online. Using people for eq's and all does not have anything to do with reality. But why am I so sensitive or is it just too.. stupid? I've started to think of leaving Twinki Ro. Maybe for a week and more. I just don't want it to affect my life. No matter what happens. It's just online. Maybe leaving it, playing for just an hour it's enough? Whenever I come up to the topic of online. I tend to have many words to say. But in the end, the words can never be spoken out. Even towards you. I'm sorry. It's hard to keep it all inside me but if I say it out. There will still be no change. I just don't want online to affect my daily life. Let that be my excuse. I guess I need to tell my dear first. As for the rest there's no need. It's not reality. Whats the use even if they know?
Why am I thinking reality. Saying goodbye and all. I guess I'll just stop. I don't even want to see anyone there. Right this second I want to stop but another second I just want to online. Please, I hope I can just focus on my studies. If I don't online I can still study! There's many things I can do. I can even go shopping and not care. No one will remember me. It's just a game yuki! A GAME! GET A GRIP "XIAO YA TOU" !!!!!! THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SAD OR ANYTHING. REALITY IS REALITY BUT THIS IS ONLINE !!! O-N-L-I-N-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

I don't know what should I do nor say. I guess goobye is the word? Don't worry I'll still be blogging to release a few of stress / hyper words.

-Yuki [XiAoYaToU] -

Exams? Stress?

17/08/10,Tuesday.

It's the second day of exam week. The whole time feeling so stress forcing myself to study. I know if I don't blog now, my mood will go bad again. Two reasons, I've been thinking of something lately don't know why. Aihss. Also, MY ANOTHER FAVOURITE DRAMA ENDED! Ending was awesome. Only thing now I'm planning to buy them. You know me right? I collect Love / Adventures Drama~ Haha.

Back to the serious part. I've been thinking of it day and night. Not able to focus. But once I've let it down I'm better. As for my presence in life, I don't think it'll make a difference. Talk to a friend that I once dislike for lying but now I think back, maybe she wasn't? I don't know. All I know is I miss the times I was with her. Come to think of it. When I was with her, I actually know my presence but now she has a new friend. Can't blame her. If it wasn't for me who left her first unable to trust her. I guess it's payback? God's punishment towards me.
I don't really care of my existance anymore. I just want a peaceful life. This sunday there's a competition. I'm going there with my friend. Suppose to call someone follow me. But I've been thinking of only one person but I know it's impossible. I'm not repeating the same mistake again. Online is online. Reality is reality. No matter how beautiful online is, reality it's just a lie and ugly.

I really really want to focus on study and not treat everyone different. I guess I'll just be whoever I want wherever I go. From small, I wished for a wish and I guess until now I'm still wishing. That is to have a best buddy that is seriously close. Like a sister. I had one but she wasn't that ... kind I guess. She has lots of friends I don't mind but she does not even understand me so.. haha. I had another, closest to me last time but still do not understand me. I guess so far there was only one. She knew I was upset but I lied saying I was okay but she still knows. God gave me someone to treasure but I threw her away cause of a lie? Why can't I just trust her? She betrayed me twice but maybe it wasn't her fault? I had another chance and got really close to her. I really care for her like a sister but in return ... it's all my fault I guess. Denying all the facts of truth. I'm sorry. I just wish if time could turn back, I would not know anything about that case. Not a single thing. I just don't want to repeat every mistake all over.

I'm a failure in both friendship and relationship. I don't want to be a failure in studies. I am a failure in studies because I never try. I want to give my best shot now. It's never too late. I hope with my studies I can just achieve my dreams. Forgetting all the sorrows , pain and unhappiness. Back to studies~ Nights.

-Yuki-

Echoes.

15/08/10-Sunday.

It's a school day tomorrow but my heart is empty. Can't think of anything right now. Why? 2 reasons. 1 is what I know you hate and I dislike it too. The same thing is happening online. As for the 2nd reason. I might not be able to enter the competition. I was looking foward to it. I don't know what's going to happen but I really hope I have a chance to join it! I don't need anything. I just wanna sing my heart out. All the feelings can be said I guess.
Exam is tomorrow, my thoughts are still flying. Why am I going to open to online guys? I just don't want the same thing to happen all over. Why is it so hard to keep my distance? I just don't understand but I know one thing. I've let down someone. You know who I mean. Anyways, got to sleep. Will update on friday.

-Yuki-

It's all the same.

15/08/10, Sunday.

I guess it's all the same. No matter what happens what ever that is said, it's really rare on how you can trust a guys word 100%. Most of them are lies just to impress girls but it's really pathetic. Those guys are really pathetic. Making fake things sound real is it really that fun or nice? Playing with a girls heart is that what guys want?
Just like a game? Making a girl to fall head over heals towards the guy. Once his got her, he just treats her like rubbish or just play with her heart with all his tricks on his sleaves? There might be some guys out there that is different. But what difference does it make? It's just too hard to fully believe a guys word. This is only for relationships i guess. I hope...

-Yuki-

Happy Birthday / Am I just afraid?

15/08/10, Sunday. [Special Day]

Once Again, Happy Birthday to my friend! Haha. Was the first one to wish my friend!! Super happy. Wished my friend in facebook again! Hahas. Okay...

Am I afraid of making memories because when everything is over no memories are left where there is no pain and suffering? I'm kinda positive in the morning so... I guess making memories before leaving should be a good thing. I don't think I'll stop ro cause of my emo-ness. Nothing changes there. Mind as well, keep myself happy before losing everything like a gamble table. Right? Haha, You agree with me. SO, your task is to make sure I don't emo of stupid things!!! Wait. Thats my task !! Sobs.. I guess when I'm emo you'll be the one listening right? Or.. READING~ hahaha

-Yuki-

Word left unspoken.

14/08/10- Saturday.

Once again I'm blogging. Why am I so down? I should know very cleary game is game and reality is reality. Why do people get i right so easily as for me I .... aihs.. Can you teach me? It's half an hour before 15/08... Yeah.... 15/08.. Aihs. Unforgettable? What should I do? Should I dissapear from ro from now on? Should I stop everything? I just don't want to feel over happy over stuff from games when its not even related to real life. Words that speak through my heart. Words I could not say. Looking at the computer screen feeling unhappy. Who knows? By putting a few emoticons, they will be thinking your fine.
But in real life, you're facial expression will be the one that's hiding and words will be said with a smile. Why? Why does it have to be so hard? Am I over-exaggerating? Am I over-sensitive? Am I the main problem?
Gosh, I feel so stupid now. Almost time. I better get going. Nights.

-Yuki-

MemorieS?

14/08/10, Saturday.

I guess I don't like memories that much. Happy of having those moments but sad that it's all over. Friends in school, I guess I'm not even needed. Well, maybe it's true. Memories with laughters but tears shed alone where no one knows. I don't know why but I guess I can't be like my idol. In the show of course it's easy but I'm used to hiding my feelings. I felt hurt when ever I feel left out. Well, I just know one thing is SMILE~ Cause when i smile the pain is inside hurting me only and not others. I'm sorry. But thats a way how I protect myself. I'm just a soft shell turtle. It's no lie.
As for online, Remember memories in garena? I bet almost every forgot even you. Well, I miss those moments where we play tree tag and how we all team up to bully our opponent. Feel frustrated when they say we cheat and of course the laughters. I can still remember how i met so many people letting them freely in my life. But I always get hurt easily. Is that the reason why I feel so scared? Even twinki now, after all the second thoughts and all, I'm avoiding truth, avoiding them. Don't want to get so close to everyone of them except for some because I know them in real life. The rest I just want to move on and keep in mind that it's just a game. What happens inside, whatever they say, It's just a beautiful lie.
I don't want to have happy memories , treasure them while everyone else forgets it. Just like camps and all. You meet each other, felt happy and wish to continue the friendship. But once it's all over like war. No one will be rememebered. I guess only you know how i feel right? Feeling so sad over something that no one appreciates makes me the biggest fool.
I may look stupid remembering everything, so I guess keeping my distance is the best solution. There may still be memories but not as much as what i'm suppose to have. I'm sorry to those who i'm going to dissapear from your life. Cause, it's just ONLINE! I rather dissapear now and keep those happy memories where they are rather then having sad memories to cover up the happy ones. Lasty, I'm sorry. I really am.

-Yuki-